Cherish

I am so thankful that we have Paige. She is so amazing & beautiful & fun & smart! And, I could just go on and on! I don't know what parents do when they don't have a first child and lose their baby. Paige is the reason we get up every morning, and smile and move every day. We can't just stop. She keeps us going, and she is a great reason to live.

But, what makes me mad is that I already knew that.

I didn't need to lose Tucker to cherish Paige. I already loved her so much, even to the point that I wondered if I could love this 2nd baby as much as I loved her. (Which definitely makes me feel a tad guilty now, even though, after just seeing Tucker for a few hours, I already love him as much, just in a different way than Paige, just like everyone said I would, and I knew it was true then...) I wanted Paige to have a sibling. I knew she'd be a great big sister!

So, that is what I get the most angry about. I already cherished Paige. She's my daughter. I soaked up every single moment when she would throw her arms around my neck, or tell me she loves me, or call me a "pretty princess", or sing along with me in the car or with her lullabies at night. I soaked in every single second with her, and soaked in every funny & adorable thing she did, and I did not take her for granted. Basically, because I know she's a girl, and that some day she'll be 14 and tell me that she hates me. I wanted to remember every single lovey-dovey moment with my Paige so that when she got that pre-teen and teenage girl attitude, I would remember that she did love me. I didn't need to lose my baby to learn to love those around me.

I tell everyone I talk to that I love them, every time I talk to them. I say "I love you" in every e-mail and every phone conversation. I don't take the people in my life for granted. Everyone who I love, knows that I love them.